Lucky girl

When I see you, it’s as though you are a stranger.

I don’t know who you are any longer.

You were my best friend.

My confidant.

My lover.

And now, when I catch glimpses of you here and there, it’s as though the person I once knew, no longer exists.

I had a lot of anger for a while. 

From “why is this happening,” to “what can I do to change it, there has to be something,” and “how could he do this.”

I’m still sorting through all of it, little by little, but the anger has slowly subsided, or is subdued.

It took both of us to break us apart. 

But one of us was willing to fight more than the other.

And you chose to give up.

That was a difficult decision to accept, I felt blindsided more the anything, but then I again I was blind to many things.

And here I am, thinking about you. 

Who you are with.

Who you are making happy.

Who you are making love to.

Who is the lucky girl, that gets my happy ending to our story.

And before, these thoughts would consume me.

With anger.

With fear.

With heartache.

But here I sit, wishing you nothing but happiness.

Truly.

I hope you find what it was you did not find with me.

I hope you find your happy ending.

Marriage, kids…those promises are no longer for me, but for someone else.

I would be lying if I said, it doesn’t hurt a little. 

To imagine what could’ve been. 

To think of all the what-ifs.

Or the maybes.

But truly, I wish you will find peace in your life.

You find happiness, true happiness.

The life we wished we had with each other, no longer belongs to us.

And I do, with all the love I have in my heart for you, hope you find what is you didn’t find in me.

I will always love you. 

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